pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
