Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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