its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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