i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
