just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
