I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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