i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
How external is "for external use only"?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
