Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
