You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
