Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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