I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
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