You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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