Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
