Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
