So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
