I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
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My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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