it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
