youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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