Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
