She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
