Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
