It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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