That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I deserve this hangover.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
