I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm too high and old for this...
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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