are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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