you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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