gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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