Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
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