Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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