I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
