DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
