Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
