This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
