and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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