i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
How external is "for external use only"?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
