I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
