i used baking grease as lip gloss
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
