The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
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Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
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I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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