fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
