I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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