dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
