I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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