ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
