i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
