Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
