I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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