I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
