Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
