Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
