I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
