me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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