i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
you never un-have a 4some
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
how does that bad decision feel?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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