cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
