nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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