Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
