I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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