I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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