And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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