Need sex. Gaining weight.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
