guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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