things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
