So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
