it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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