he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
