she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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