well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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