Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
