i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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