he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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