I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
operation have a gay friend backfired
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
