CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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