Joe is yelling at the trees again.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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