Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
her facebook's as public as her vagina
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize