I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
