Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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