Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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