1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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