can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
