she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
